Mother's Day

I had a great day yesterday.  I woke up to Pete in a great mood.  He was standing in his crib, handed me a toy and said thank you ("gak goo") with a huge smile on his face.  I nursed him, he fell back asleep and I went for an 8 mile run with Bailey.  When I got home, I noticed that one single bud on Brienna's rose bush had bloomed.  Like she was wishing me Happy Mother's Day.  It was probably the most perfect way to start my day.  

so pretty.

After a visit with P's parents and grandmother, we headed to my parents house.  We stopped at the cemetery to visit with Brienna.  It was such a gorgeous afternoon.  The sun was shining, there was a soft breeze and the cemetery felt especially peaceful.  P took some pictures of me with my kids, and I love them.  I worried that it was a bit creepy, but decided that even if it was, I didn't care.  

love them.  both.

All I wanted for yesterday was to be with both my kids.  I got to do just that, so it was a happy day indeed!

A Baby No More

My little buddy turned one yesterday.  I cannot believe it.  It seems like he was just born.  I was surprised (not really) by how emotional I was.  It's crazy to think of all that a baby goes through in one year's time.  And all that a mama goes through too!

I truly didn't think I could ever feel this happy again. I thought that genuine happiness was a thing of the past, that it just wasn't in the cards for me.  My heart was so heavy and broken, I couldn't fathom that it would ever not be that way.  But then my little boy was born and I fell head over heels in love with him.  Despite all my anxiety and fear about losing him too, love won.  He makes me feel like I am alive again.  That life is good.  He makes me smile and laugh and I cannot imagine my life without him.  He is the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Pete hugs are my favorite thing.

Sweet Pete

Pete fell asleep nursing today - he rarely does that anymore - and if that wasn't enough to make me melt, he did it while holding Brienna's necklace in his little hand.  It was one of those moments that just made me stop, take a deep breath and appreciate my life.  I sat there rocking him while he slept and just soaked in the tenderness of the moment.  That is why I suffered through the beginning weeks of breastfeeding. It has been the best bonding experience for us and I can't imagine not sharing those precious moments with him ... and his sister.

One of my favorite pictures from the day after he was born ... both my babes, close to my heart:

Splish Splash ...

... there is not much cuter than Pete in the bath!

I am legit obsessed with him.  He's so freakin' cute and just makes me melt.  Every day.  The poor kid is sick and feels miserable, yet he still smiles and is so good natured.  I have no idea how I ended up with him, but I thank God every single day.  He is the best ever.

Where Did My Baby Go?

Pete seems to have changed overnight.  I picked him up this morning and he felt huge.  Like he literally gained weight between the time he went to sleep last night and woke up today.  How does time move so quickly??  I am already nostalgic for the days when he would just curl up and fall asleep on me.  Now, he's so interested in everything around him that he hates to be still.  He was exhausted tonight and fell asleep in my arms while nursing.  He sighed his contented baby sighs and laid in my arms and I just held him and rocked him and tried to savor the moment.  It was the best part of my day.