Jamestown Bridge 10K

I ran the Jamestown Bridge 10K yesterday morning.  It was sort of a last minute decision.  I had read about it a few weeks ago in Runner's World and finally decided to register.  I worked on Friday, but was able to get out at 7, instead of 11, which was perfect.  I had fully planned on getting up, driving myself to the shuttle drop off and running.  But P had fully planned on driving me there so that he and Pete could cheer me on, which was such a nice treat!  P is always at my races, but I figured with Pete, it might be too hard.  Anyway, the race the great.  Once I found it, it was an easy start.  Not too many people (I think 850), and I basically just hopped right in and started.  

The course was beautiful.  It was literally over the Jamestown Bridge, so the views were amazing.  So many people were running with friends and stopping to take pictures at the top of the bridge.  I was worried about the climb of the bridge, since I'm not usually one to do hills, but it wasn't too bad.  Going over was a piece of cake, though it was narrow and the crowds hadn't thinned yet. That was kind of annoying.  The neighborhoods we ran through were pretty and then it was back over the bridge.  Into the wind, which was not fun, but I was still feeling good.  

Once we came off the bridge, it was flat for a bit and then the rest of the race was uphill.  My legs started to feel heavy, but I refused to stop and walk.  Then I heard P cheering for me so I smiled, waved and gave it all I had for the last .2 miles.  Crossing the finish line of a race is such a great feeling!  I am always proud and happy and I had the best runner's high all day.    

My Garmin said the race was .06 miles longer.
Official race time 57:48, 9:19 pace.

I hadn't run a race since October 2010.  It was really great to get out there and run with a group of people and I loved feeling as good as I did.  It was one of those perfect running days that reminded me why I love running.  When I started running to honor Brienna, I used to be so jealous of all the people that had babies and kids to cheer them on.  I'd see them in their strollers and be sad that Brienna wasn't one of them.  I love running in her memory and I hope it's something I always do.  But this race was even sweeter because I had this guy waiting for me at the finish line.  

happy baby.  proud mama.

I thought about them both the whole race and I loved seeing my smiley little guy with his dad at the end!  P said that Pete would clap when all the other people clapped and that he seemed to have a pretty good time. I know I had a great time and I'm so glad that P and Pete were there.  Also, I technically set a new PR by 1:12, but I know I can do better than that.  So while I'm happy with my time, I'm excited to race another 10K this fall and hopefully beat both my times!

{Dis}Organized Thought

I've had a hard time organizing my thoughts lately.  As I mentioned, I've been irritable, unmotivated and generally just blah. I find myself getting caught up in the pettiness at where I work; I'm stressed/annoyed more easily than I'd like to be and it's really been weighing on me.  It seems like I'm easily swept along the path of negativity, which hasn't been the case for a long time.

I had a much needed appointment with my 'crazy lady' yesterday and I think I figured out what's really been going on.  It was one of those moments when I was talking and then all of a sudden I was sobbing.  For me, when the truth comes out, or I figure something out, tears are usually involved.  It's almost like my cue that I've hit the nail on the head.

So yesterday on my ride up to the appointment, I started thinking about why I'm bothered by the way I've been feeling.  In the past, I'd get caught up in the gossip at work or an ongoing family feud.  But for the past three or so years, I didn't let myself get involved in other people's drama.  I did not have the energy, nor the inclination. The negativity went in one ear and out the other.  I barely even thought about it because I was too emotionally spent from my own existence.  Brienna had given me the perspective I needed to essentially not give a shit because it truly just wasn't important.

I figured out that by getting caught up in nonsense, I feel like I'm betraying Brienna.  I feel like I should be above all this negativity because I know it's not important.  And letting myself get swept along makes me feel like I'm losing my perspective and therefore forgetting about Brienna and all she has taught me.  Part of this all stems from the fact that despite being blah and down this week and last, I've generally been happy.  I am content.  I didn't know if I'd ever truly feel that way again.  When you're mourning the loss of someone you love, you almost relish in that acute pain.  You welcome the outbursts of anguish because it's a tangible connection to the person you lost.  For a long time, I didn't want the pain of losing Brienna to go away.  Ever.  I wanted to always feel it, because it would mean she was still a part of me and that I wasn't letting go.  And I think being happy makes me feel like I'm letting go.  And I don't know how to do that; I don't want to let go.  I don't even know what I'm letting go of.  Is it the pain of losing her?  The lessons she taught me?  Is it finally giving myself "permission" to be happy?  I don't know.  I know that she is a part of me in the truest sense.  She made me who I am.  Why is it that sadness makes me feel connected to her?  Why does it feel like I'm dishonoring her by being happy?

I'm sitting here with tears streaming down my face because I have no idea how to answer these questions.  I know time heals and that how I incorporate grief into my life is is not a static thing.  It constantly changes shape.  But I think it feels like if the lessons she taught me are harder to live by, it somehow lessens the impact she had on my life.  I don't even know if that makes sense.  I was reminded yesterday that I'm still human.  That this is a process.  And that it's okay to feel the way I do ...

Slacker

I've been feeling like such a slacker this week.  I'm cranky, irritable, blah, eating everything in sight and until today, I haven't been able to push myself out the door to run.  I hate weeks like this.  I had been doing so well (for me)! and I feel like I've ruined all my progress in running and trying to lose weight.  I'm pretty sure I have PMS, but that isn't really an excuse.  I wish I could sort why I feel so down.  I've pretty much been a big waste of space.

I finally ran today and had a great run.  I figured I'd be stiff and sore from being a slug all week, but I actually felt really fresh.  My legs felt rested and I felt light.  I ran by feel alone, and set for 4 miles with my two buddies.  I ended up feeling great, and did 5 instead.  Why do I take time off?!  Running makes me feel better.  I felt better than I had all week after this run.  Why can I not remember that when I'm justifying not running?  Sometimes I really hate my brain.  It plays tricks on me, and convinces me that things are real when they're anything but ... UGH.

sunny stroller run

I think I need a tattoo that says RUN on me somewhere.  Just to remind me that life is better when I'm running.  And that even a bad run is way better than no run.  I'm not sure what the weekend will hold because I'm working 7A-7P both days.  So I'm 99.99% positive that I won't get in a run.  I should suck it up and get up at 4:30 and run on the treadmill, but I'm pretty sure it's not going to happen!  I was supposed to run 19 miles this week.  I ran 5.  Not sure this half marathon is going to happen after all ... here's hoping  next week is a better week.

In life news, my little man is eleven months old! Where does the time go?!  I am baffled that he is growing up so quickly.

love, love, love that smile.

March 19-24 Recap

My runs last week were so different.  I'm not entirely sure why.

Monday - 3 mile walk with Pete and B.  I debated running a mile in there, but my legs felt creaky so I opted not to.

Tuesday - I ran 4 miles in the afternoon and it felt like 40.  I felt like I was fighting for every step. The stroller felt heavy, my legs felt dead and I just couldn't wait for it to be over.  I'm not sure if I felt so tired and old because I'd run long on Sunday and then walked on Monday or if it was the humidity or if it just a yuck run.  But at least I did it:

Somehow managed to negative split too.  Go figure?

Wednesday - P and I took the kids to the beach.  It was just too nice not to:

My two favorite guys!

Thursday - a very not fun 12 hours at work.

Friday - Pete, B and I ran in the afternoon and had a great run.  I have no idea what made it so much better than Tuesday.  Was it rest?  Was it weather?  Was it attitude?  I am not sure.  But it was great and I was so happy about it!

:)

Saturday - work 12 hours

Sunday - was supposed to do a 5K according to the training plan.  I woke up feeling like crap.  Literally, I felt like I'd been drugged.  I was sluggish, my throat hurt, I could barely keep my eyes open.  So I fed Pete and crawled back into bed.  I cuddled with P and fell asleep with my head on his chest - one of my most favorite things.  We woke up, cooked pancakes for Pete and had a lovely, lazy Sunday morning before heading to Pete's great-grandmother's birthday party. It was perfect.  I'm glad that I listened to my body.  Do I feel "guilty" for not running?  A little bit, yes.  But I think the break will do more good than pushing it and feeling miserable.  

My Week in Runs

I had another great week of running.  I love that I'm loving running again.  This is by the far the most consistent I've been since Pete was born.  I love that I'm looking forward to running and not dreading it.  What a difference attitude makes.  It really is so mental!

Tuesday was a late afternoon 4 miler that I can't recall much of other than it felt fast and good.

An 8:50 stroller mile!!!!!

I should have run Thursday, but for some reason didn't.  Pete was up at my parents house and I took full advantage of sleeping in. And then I had to get a new phone and I had dinner with my friends and running took a back seat.  So I ran Friday morning at my parents house with Bailey.  It was chilly!!  I only brought shorts with me, which was fine, but after Tuesday's warm weather, I was a little taken aback.  A good run nonetheless.  I felt fast(er) and I think it was my fastest run to date.

8:25.  Woo hoo!

Sunday was my "long" run.  My training plan called for 6 miles, and I was trying to think of a place that I could run that without doing the same loop in my neighborhood over and over again.  I ended up doing 6.5 along the Charles River and it was great.

Boston is pretty.

It was HOT out.  I brought a tank top to wear, but realized that I forgot sunscreen, so I ended up wearing my long sleeve shirt with my new running skirt(!) ... I'd like to think that the heat made running feel so hard.  The first three miles felt great, but I kinda knew I was going out too fast.  By mile 4, I was thinking uh oh.  But then at mile 5, I was amazed that I was almost done.  I needed two walk breaks though.  I walked from 5.25-5.35 miles and then again from 6.0-6.1.  And I hate that for some reason.  I know it shouldn't matter, and I'd probably be better off walking at the beginning before I get super tired, but I wish I didn't need it at all.

Hate seeing that 10:05.  Oh well.

Overall though, a good week of running!  Hopefully this week is good too!

I Should Not Be Left Home Alone

P is away this week for a bachelor party in Tahoe.  He's having a great time, and I am so happy for him.  He needed a break from work and he deserves to have fun with his friends and not worry about home for a change!  However, I think once he finds out what's been going on, he's never going to leave me again.

I started off the week without P by dropping my phone in the toilet.  So Pete was on his first overnight, P was flying across the country and I was unable to be reached because my phone was sitting in a bag of rice.  I ended up having to get a new phone, which because I'm addicted to my iPhone, was not cheap.

Yesterday I was out running errands when I realized that I left my wallet at home.  I detoured home, pulled halfway up the driveway and ran into the house to grab my wallet.  I ran back to the car, put the key in the ignition and ...... nothing.  The car wouldn't start.  No matter what I did or how many times I tried.  Of course I park in the driveway we share with our neighbor.  And because I only pulled in halfway, she wouldn't be able to fit. So I had to put the car in neutral and push it up the driveway.  P's car was at the office, parked in a gated lot.  I tried to call the people he works with, but couldn't get ahold of anyone.  So I frantically called my friend Amanda, who picked Pete and I up and we went to Pat's office.  We waited for someone to leave the lot, I snuck in and as I'm running across the lot I hear, "hey, aren't you Laurie - P's wife?"  I wanted to say no, but of course said yes and then tried to play it cool that I was sprinting across the gated parking lot ... in the rain.  I get the car, stop at the store for either a bottle of wine or chocolate (I opted for M&M cookies) and head home. Where I discover that Bailey ate part of a plastic bag. I panic, but realize she is fine and google tells me it happens all the time, she'll poop it out.

So then I decide to check the mail and find this:

Really?  As if I'm not paranoid enough ... 

Great.  I hate being home alone as it is.  Most of the time it doesn't bother me, but I'm definitely more on edge at night, which in turn makes Bailey more on edge.  Which means she barks at the littlest thing, which then freaks me out more.  It's a good time in my house, I swear.

So today, I try and start the car again but no luck.  AAA comes to check it out, they assume it's the battery (despite me telling them it's not), they can't start it either so call for a tow truck and there goes my car:

Please come back soon car.  I miss you already.

So, I'm pretty excited for P to come home.  Nothing that happened was a big deal, but it seems magnified when you're the only one dealing with it.  I don't know how single moms do it - I give them so much credit and admire them so much.

And at the end of the day, this is the only thing that matters ... 

love that sweet face.  L.O.V.E.

Hopefully the luck o' the Irish is treating everyone else better!  But please tell me, does anyone else feel like sh!t hits the fan when they're home alone?  Or is it just me?

Weekly Recap

I had a great week of running.  I ran almost 20 miles, which is definitely a high for the last two years!

After my long run Monday, I worked 16 hours on Tuesday and didn't get home until 4AM.  I debated running on Wednesday, but my sister (wisely) talked me out of it.  So I ran on Thursday with Pete and B:

Not bad for a stroller run.  And yay negative splits!

I also ran on Friday.  I never run two days in a row.  When I trained for my marathon, I was convinced it was the only way I'd be able to finish.  So I just told myself I couldn't do it.  Now that I'm a firm believer in stretching and foam rolling, I wanted to try it.  And I needed to get the miles in for training.  So I set out to do an easy 3 miles with the stroller.  I literally didn't even look at my Garmin until after it chirped 3 miles.  I was at 3.2, so figured I'd just do 3.5.  I ran entirely by feel and had a decent run with my two buddies:

Really, what's with the negative splits?

I worked 12 hours on Saturday, and despite the fact that I was super busy, all I could think about was my run on Sunday.  I was equal parts nervous and excited.  I knew it would push my mileage for the week, but I really wanted to get in a good run.  I thought my training plan called for 6, but it really only called for 5.  I woke up not feeling the run.  It was "feels like 28" and windy.  When I stepped outside with B (no stroller!) I thought I was way overdressed, because it didn't feel that cold.  Then the wind kicked in. And I alternated between freezing and sweating.  And for miles 2-4.5, I was cursing the wind, running and everything in between.  I felt like I was literally fighting for every step, let alone every mile.  Again, I chose not to look at my Garmin.  I needed to run by feel alone.  So when it chirped at 5 miles, I was relieved.  I was kinda far from home though (I was too lazy to walk that far), so I figured I'd run to the end of the street.  When I got there, I'd hit 5.4 miles so I figured I'd just make it 5.5:

All things considered?  Not too shabby.

I was happy because the run ended on a positive note.  But I'd like my happiness not to be so pace-dependent.  I kept telling myself that I'd be happy no matter what because I pushed through a tough run and finished.  But I was also relieved to see sub-10:00/miles.  And yet I'm also disappointed that I know I won't PR at the half in May.  I ran a flat 9:00 pace and that was only because I'd ran a marathon 3 weeks before and had some serious mileage (for me) built up.  

Either way, I'm happy about my week of running.  I'm petrified my IT band is going to give out at some point soon.  But I managed the 5.5 on Sunday with only a little discomfort.  And after 3 miles, I barely noticed it. Foam rolling is key, I think.  In fact, I should go do it right now!