Double Digits

12: The number days in between runs.  Pathetic.  There was no real reason, either.  I could blame the heat, Crossfit, my IT band or a number of other things, but really, I just wasn't motivated enough.  The heat stresses me out because running with Pete in that weather can be dangerous for him, but there are other times of day to run. And we have a treadmill (no air conditioning, but still).

Today, I started my day with a 3.5 mile run.  Nothing crazy and I did it half-naked.  I needed music, but went Garmin/watch-less.  I just wanted to run; not to get mad at myself for being slow.  So I did.  And it felt a lot better than I thought it would. Maybe I ran 11-minute miles?  I have no idea, but the first run getting back into it is usually the hardest.  So I'm glad it's under my belt.

10: Pounds to lose.  Also pathetic.  I'd be okay with less, but I was 10+ pounds lighter after Brienna/before Pete (I was admittedly a bit too skinny, but it was all grief related). I've gained a few pounds since I stopped breastfeeding and I am pretty unhappy with my body right now.  I hate that feeling.  It goes hand-in-hand with lack of running and my diet over the last month or so has been terri.i.ble.  So I need to make some changes.


I really, really want to get motivated again. My sister's wedding is in 6 weeks.  I don't want to be the fat maid of honor.  I don't want to feel uncomfortable all night because I'm unhappy with the way I look. I don't have a ton of work to do; I'm lucky. With the right food choices, and regular running, I'll be back on track in no time.  Dorothy wrote about Jackie Warner's This is Why You're Fat (And How to Get Thin Forever) so I borrowed that from the library and am starting to put her ideas/suggestions into practice.  If I could lose 6 pounds in the next 6 weeks, I'd be ecstatic!  Having two kids has changed my weight distribution.  It goes straight to my stomach now and is soo obvious.  I legit look pregnant all the time.  I hate it.  But it's not going to go away on it's own, and again I know I don't look bad to other people.  It's more for myself than anything. I want my clothes to fit again. Maybe my body's just too different to fit into my favorite size 25 jeans.  But if I won't ever fit into them, at least I'll know that I tried everything I could.  

10: Miles I want to run by the end of the month.  I've never run the Blessing of the Fleet, and I feel like it's a Rhode Island tradition. So hopefully I'll regain my ability to run long distances and be able to run it July 27.

Infected

I hadn't been feeling so great the last few days.  I had a sore throat and just felt like I was run down.  When I woke up yesterday morning though, I really felt like crap.  So I dragged myself to the doctor's and apparently have a massive ear infection.  Go figure.  So I started on antibiotics and am slowly feeling better.  I hate being sick.  I hate that my planned runs didn't happen because I could barely lift my head off the pillow.  It makes me mad!  And I swear, the minute you take away my ability to run, it's all I want to do.

After my 8 miles on Sunday, I took it easy on Monday:

Bicep curls: 10 lb weight, 15 reps, 3 sets

Tricep extensions: 10 lb weight, 15 reps, 3 sets

Plank: 1:30

Bicycle situps: 50

My last run was on Tuesday morning before work.  I don't usually run before work, but I'm pretty sure that I ate no fewer than a dozen chocolate chip cookies (so much for my vacation diet) on Monday, so I figured I better.  I snuck out before P left for work, so it was just B and I and it was a great run.  My throat was hurting and occasionally felt like it was closing (allergies? ear infection?) so I walked for a bit at one point, but still finished strong and maintained a fast (for me) pace.  I love seeing that!  

I like seeing 8:36 :)

When I got home, I stretched and foam rolled then did 25 pushups, 25 tricep dips, planked for 1:00 and did 50 bicycle sit ups.  A good way to start the day.

Now I'm in rest and recovery mode.  I have to work all weekend - BOO - and doubt I'll get in any runs since I have to be there at 7AM, but we'll see.  

I'm hoping next week is a better week!

Providence Half Marathon

A new PR for me!!  I wasn't sure what this race was going to look like for me.  I felt like crap all week and didn't run.  I went to bed late last night, and Pete was up at 4AM, so I tried to tell myself that it was just a fun run, and that finishing would make me happy.  However, I am soo competitive with myself.  I knew I'd ultimately be disappointed with anything other than a PR.  At the start of the race, I compromised and said that breaking two hours again would be enough.

The race started at 8AM.  The weather was pretty good and I just started running.  I forgot how much I hate the beginning of races - it's so congested!  I felt like I was running at a decent pace, but was nervous that I was going out too fast.  I tried not to get caught up in other runners' races.  I kept reminding myself that I was running for me.

I didn't look at my Garmin until mile 4, when I saw I was running an average 9:02 pace.  I knew then that I really wanted to try and PR.  I saw Pat and Pete at a little over 4 miles and was so excited!  I didn't expect to see them until the finish line so it was a huge mental boost.  I felt good running.  I really felt like I was pushing myself though I was petrified of hitting the wall.  I kept glancing at my Garmin and kept seeing sub 9:00/miles.  I was pretty excited and became more and more determined to PR.  I saw Pat and Pete again at 8ish miles and was all smiles.

I was expecting to feel tired at mile 10, and was thrilled when I felt pretty good.  I had some water at mile 11.5ish, drank some Gatorade and tried to push it. At mile 12, it was all or nothing so I tried to make those legs move just a bit faster.  I was exhausted by the end.  I crossed the finish line, smiled and told Pat I'd need a nap!  

SO ridiculously happy!!!!

My legs were sore almost immediately post race.  They feel much better now after stretching and foam rolling (and a nap) and I am still flying high.  Every time I started to doubt myself, I reminded myself that I trained for this.  That I'd run 10 miles just last week and that I could run this race strong.  I was so proud of my body and legs for carrying me, but I was pretty proud of my brain too for not giving in to either fatigue or doubts.

Seeing this guy at the end will remain the best part ever though!!

My little cheerleader.  Love him.

UPDATE: the official results are a 1:57:15 - an 8:57 pace.  I definitely felt like I was running an 8:47, haha.  Either way, I am very happy and now I want to run a sub 1:55 half :)

Monday Motivation

I somehow managed to run my fastest post-Pete stroller run today! In the wind. I was a little pissed off frustrated to start the run and I'm not sure if maybe that's why?  I wanted to run on a bike path near my house, since the same old stroller route gets boring.  The parking area was so sketchy and I drove past it debating whether or not to park and run.  I called P and told him where my car was in case I got murdered.  While we were on the phone, he found me an alternative parking area, which was much less sketchy!  I was so irritated though because sometimes it seems like my efforts to run get sabotaged.  So anyway, I parked (safely) got the three of us ready, and headed out.  I think I looked like a complete rookie.  B's leash was getting caught, Pete was fussy and it just seemed like perhaps my running attempt was going to be a big fail.

It was windy out, but I felt like I was moving.  Like I was actually running, rather than just jogging.  I forgot my Garmin (another reason for the frustration) so I was using the RunKeeper app on my phone, which was not as readily accessible.  Anyway, I felt like I was moving, but that the wind was at my back and I figured I'd be screwed on the way back to my car.  The first two miles kinda flew by and again, I felt like I was going along at a pretty good clip.  When I turned around at the halfway point, I spotted this guy in front of me.  I guess I was being competitive because I decided I should pass him.  And I did.  And then I tried to maintain my pace, so he didn't then pass me!  Whatever it was, the running gods aligned and I had a great run.  I was sweaty, felt it the entire time, but also enjoyed the challenge.  Most of my runs are slow, steady and "easy" and today just felt different.  When I looked at my splits, I saw that it was!

5.0 miles in 44:25.  8:52 pace.   YAY!
My first thought was that the app must have lost
satellite connection at some point.  But based on
how I felt, I'm going to assume it was accurate.
Also, I've never questioned it before.  So why start now?

I was so happy.  I needed a good, motivating run.  I've been feeling very frustrated with how my body looks these days.  Pete is almost one; I no longer have the "I just had a baby" excuse.  I know I don't look bad.  Most days, I'm fine with how I look.  But I'm still a good 5-7 pounds away from where I want to be. And my favorite skinny jeans don't fit.  I donated them to my sister this weekend because I'm not sure they ever will (though as she knows, it's temporary ownership for now!)  My hips are just wider than used to be.  Could it be the almost 10 pound baby?  And I'm okay with all that.  But I'd like the muffin top to be smaller and I'd like to be more tone.  We're going away in less than two months, so I'm really hoping that I can drop a few pounds by then.  And if not, that's okay too.

While I was running, I passed a man walking.  I passed him again on my way back to the car, and he said, your dog's getting tired!  He was right, she was.  And then when I finished running, a older guy said to me, "Good job!"  And he's right.  I did it.  And that feels good.  Running makes me feel strong and proud, and at the end of the day, that is worth way more than a number on the scale.

Love my running buddies!

Jamestown Bridge 10K

I ran the Jamestown Bridge 10K yesterday morning.  It was sort of a last minute decision.  I had read about it a few weeks ago in Runner's World and finally decided to register.  I worked on Friday, but was able to get out at 7, instead of 11, which was perfect.  I had fully planned on getting up, driving myself to the shuttle drop off and running.  But P had fully planned on driving me there so that he and Pete could cheer me on, which was such a nice treat!  P is always at my races, but I figured with Pete, it might be too hard.  Anyway, the race the great.  Once I found it, it was an easy start.  Not too many people (I think 850), and I basically just hopped right in and started.  

The course was beautiful.  It was literally over the Jamestown Bridge, so the views were amazing.  So many people were running with friends and stopping to take pictures at the top of the bridge.  I was worried about the climb of the bridge, since I'm not usually one to do hills, but it wasn't too bad.  Going over was a piece of cake, though it was narrow and the crowds hadn't thinned yet. That was kind of annoying.  The neighborhoods we ran through were pretty and then it was back over the bridge.  Into the wind, which was not fun, but I was still feeling good.  

Once we came off the bridge, it was flat for a bit and then the rest of the race was uphill.  My legs started to feel heavy, but I refused to stop and walk.  Then I heard P cheering for me so I smiled, waved and gave it all I had for the last .2 miles.  Crossing the finish line of a race is such a great feeling!  I am always proud and happy and I had the best runner's high all day.    

My Garmin said the race was .06 miles longer.
Official race time 57:48, 9:19 pace.

I hadn't run a race since October 2010.  It was really great to get out there and run with a group of people and I loved feeling as good as I did.  It was one of those perfect running days that reminded me why I love running.  When I started running to honor Brienna, I used to be so jealous of all the people that had babies and kids to cheer them on.  I'd see them in their strollers and be sad that Brienna wasn't one of them.  I love running in her memory and I hope it's something I always do.  But this race was even sweeter because I had this guy waiting for me at the finish line.  

happy baby.  proud mama.

I thought about them both the whole race and I loved seeing my smiley little guy with his dad at the end!  P said that Pete would clap when all the other people clapped and that he seemed to have a pretty good time. I know I had a great time and I'm so glad that P and Pete were there.  Also, I technically set a new PR by 1:12, but I know I can do better than that.  So while I'm happy with my time, I'm excited to race another 10K this fall and hopefully beat both my times!

Slacker

I've been feeling like such a slacker this week.  I'm cranky, irritable, blah, eating everything in sight and until today, I haven't been able to push myself out the door to run.  I hate weeks like this.  I had been doing so well (for me)! and I feel like I've ruined all my progress in running and trying to lose weight.  I'm pretty sure I have PMS, but that isn't really an excuse.  I wish I could sort why I feel so down.  I've pretty much been a big waste of space.

I finally ran today and had a great run.  I figured I'd be stiff and sore from being a slug all week, but I actually felt really fresh.  My legs felt rested and I felt light.  I ran by feel alone, and set for 4 miles with my two buddies.  I ended up feeling great, and did 5 instead.  Why do I take time off?!  Running makes me feel better.  I felt better than I had all week after this run.  Why can I not remember that when I'm justifying not running?  Sometimes I really hate my brain.  It plays tricks on me, and convinces me that things are real when they're anything but ... UGH.

sunny stroller run

I think I need a tattoo that says RUN on me somewhere.  Just to remind me that life is better when I'm running.  And that even a bad run is way better than no run.  I'm not sure what the weekend will hold because I'm working 7A-7P both days.  So I'm 99.99% positive that I won't get in a run.  I should suck it up and get up at 4:30 and run on the treadmill, but I'm pretty sure it's not going to happen!  I was supposed to run 19 miles this week.  I ran 5.  Not sure this half marathon is going to happen after all ... here's hoping  next week is a better week.

In life news, my little man is eleven months old! Where does the time go?!  I am baffled that he is growing up so quickly.

love, love, love that smile.

March 19-24 Recap

My runs last week were so different.  I'm not entirely sure why.

Monday - 3 mile walk with Pete and B.  I debated running a mile in there, but my legs felt creaky so I opted not to.

Tuesday - I ran 4 miles in the afternoon and it felt like 40.  I felt like I was fighting for every step. The stroller felt heavy, my legs felt dead and I just couldn't wait for it to be over.  I'm not sure if I felt so tired and old because I'd run long on Sunday and then walked on Monday or if it was the humidity or if it just a yuck run.  But at least I did it:

Somehow managed to negative split too.  Go figure?

Wednesday - P and I took the kids to the beach.  It was just too nice not to:

My two favorite guys!

Thursday - a very not fun 12 hours at work.

Friday - Pete, B and I ran in the afternoon and had a great run.  I have no idea what made it so much better than Tuesday.  Was it rest?  Was it weather?  Was it attitude?  I am not sure.  But it was great and I was so happy about it!

:)

Saturday - work 12 hours

Sunday - was supposed to do a 5K according to the training plan.  I woke up feeling like crap.  Literally, I felt like I'd been drugged.  I was sluggish, my throat hurt, I could barely keep my eyes open.  So I fed Pete and crawled back into bed.  I cuddled with P and fell asleep with my head on his chest - one of my most favorite things.  We woke up, cooked pancakes for Pete and had a lovely, lazy Sunday morning before heading to Pete's great-grandmother's birthday party. It was perfect.  I'm glad that I listened to my body.  Do I feel "guilty" for not running?  A little bit, yes.  But I think the break will do more good than pushing it and feeling miserable.  

My Week in Runs

I had another great week of running.  I love that I'm loving running again.  This is by the far the most consistent I've been since Pete was born.  I love that I'm looking forward to running and not dreading it.  What a difference attitude makes.  It really is so mental!

Tuesday was a late afternoon 4 miler that I can't recall much of other than it felt fast and good.

An 8:50 stroller mile!!!!!

I should have run Thursday, but for some reason didn't.  Pete was up at my parents house and I took full advantage of sleeping in. And then I had to get a new phone and I had dinner with my friends and running took a back seat.  So I ran Friday morning at my parents house with Bailey.  It was chilly!!  I only brought shorts with me, which was fine, but after Tuesday's warm weather, I was a little taken aback.  A good run nonetheless.  I felt fast(er) and I think it was my fastest run to date.

8:25.  Woo hoo!

Sunday was my "long" run.  My training plan called for 6 miles, and I was trying to think of a place that I could run that without doing the same loop in my neighborhood over and over again.  I ended up doing 6.5 along the Charles River and it was great.

Boston is pretty.

It was HOT out.  I brought a tank top to wear, but realized that I forgot sunscreen, so I ended up wearing my long sleeve shirt with my new running skirt(!) ... I'd like to think that the heat made running feel so hard.  The first three miles felt great, but I kinda knew I was going out too fast.  By mile 4, I was thinking uh oh.  But then at mile 5, I was amazed that I was almost done.  I needed two walk breaks though.  I walked from 5.25-5.35 miles and then again from 6.0-6.1.  And I hate that for some reason.  I know it shouldn't matter, and I'd probably be better off walking at the beginning before I get super tired, but I wish I didn't need it at all.

Hate seeing that 10:05.  Oh well.

Overall though, a good week of running!  Hopefully this week is good too!

Weekly Recap

I had a great week of running.  I ran almost 20 miles, which is definitely a high for the last two years!

After my long run Monday, I worked 16 hours on Tuesday and didn't get home until 4AM.  I debated running on Wednesday, but my sister (wisely) talked me out of it.  So I ran on Thursday with Pete and B:

Not bad for a stroller run.  And yay negative splits!

I also ran on Friday.  I never run two days in a row.  When I trained for my marathon, I was convinced it was the only way I'd be able to finish.  So I just told myself I couldn't do it.  Now that I'm a firm believer in stretching and foam rolling, I wanted to try it.  And I needed to get the miles in for training.  So I set out to do an easy 3 miles with the stroller.  I literally didn't even look at my Garmin until after it chirped 3 miles.  I was at 3.2, so figured I'd just do 3.5.  I ran entirely by feel and had a decent run with my two buddies:

Really, what's with the negative splits?

I worked 12 hours on Saturday, and despite the fact that I was super busy, all I could think about was my run on Sunday.  I was equal parts nervous and excited.  I knew it would push my mileage for the week, but I really wanted to get in a good run.  I thought my training plan called for 6, but it really only called for 5.  I woke up not feeling the run.  It was "feels like 28" and windy.  When I stepped outside with B (no stroller!) I thought I was way overdressed, because it didn't feel that cold.  Then the wind kicked in. And I alternated between freezing and sweating.  And for miles 2-4.5, I was cursing the wind, running and everything in between.  I felt like I was literally fighting for every step, let alone every mile.  Again, I chose not to look at my Garmin.  I needed to run by feel alone.  So when it chirped at 5 miles, I was relieved.  I was kinda far from home though (I was too lazy to walk that far), so I figured I'd run to the end of the street.  When I got there, I'd hit 5.4 miles so I figured I'd just make it 5.5:

All things considered?  Not too shabby.

I was happy because the run ended on a positive note.  But I'd like my happiness not to be so pace-dependent.  I kept telling myself that I'd be happy no matter what because I pushed through a tough run and finished.  But I was also relieved to see sub-10:00/miles.  And yet I'm also disappointed that I know I won't PR at the half in May.  I ran a flat 9:00 pace and that was only because I'd ran a marathon 3 weeks before and had some serious mileage (for me) built up.  

Either way, I'm happy about my week of running.  I'm petrified my IT band is going to give out at some point soon.  But I managed the 5.5 on Sunday with only a little discomfort.  And after 3 miles, I barely noticed it. Foam rolling is key, I think.  In fact, I should go do it right now!

Long Run!

I was such a slacker yesterday and skipped my long run.  The training plan called for 5 miles, but I had wanted to do 6, since I did 5 last weekend.  I ended up doing 0.  My legs were a little sore, but I think it was more laziness than anything else.  Anyway, I made up for it today and decided that I'd try and run 6.  I found a 3 mile loop in a nearby park, and figured doing it twice would be perfect.  When I got there, I realized that my Garmin battery was dead.  I wasn't happy.  Luckily, I have the RunKeeper app on my phone and was able to use that instead.  And it's a good thing, because the marked 3 mile loop wasn't quite 3 miles.  When I finished two laps, RunKeeper showed I'd run 5.2 miles (I looked after 1 lap and saw it wasn't 3 miles, so I knew I'd have to extend a bit) ... which is exactly what I did and ended up doing 6.25!

Garmin splits are so much cooler.
But this got the job done, so I really shouldn't complain!

My splits are actually semi consistent (for me) and I'm overall really happy with the run!  I sort of hated it while I was running, but had such a runner's high afterwards.  And it's the longest run I've done post- Pete and certainly the longest stroller run ever.  Pete was so good.  He got a little fussy with about 0.5 miles to go, so I stopped and gave him a cup of Cheerios (he had a sippy cup of milk with him the whole time) and he was pretty content to let me finish.  I am a lucky mama.  Still so happy, but have a feeling I'm going to crash later.  Also, I am gross because I ran in clothes I'd already run in this week.  I used the steam refresh option on the dryer before I ran, but I'm pretty sure the people in the grocery store hated me for smelling so bad!

I Heart Running

I had a really great running week and it makes me so ridiculously happy!  I started off with a little Monday Motivation and headed out the door early with B.  It was cold, and in the process of putting my phone in my sleeve, I somehow turned off RunKeeper and didn't realize it until the one mile mark. Oh well.  I ran a 3 mile route at about a 10:00 min pace.  Not bad and I loved being done by 7:15!

Thursday was gorgeous out.  I had plans to meet a friend in Boston for a run, but her daughter was sick, so we canceled.  I decided to take advantage of the beautiful day and drove down to Newport for a run with Pete and B on the Cliff Walk.  I wore shorts (in February!!) and had a mentally challenging run.  B was horribly behaved and I wished so badly I didn't bring her.  There were a few stairs to navigate on the cliff walk loop (which I didn't realize) and things got tricky with the stroller and B.  So after about .7 miles, we turned around.  I was so frustrated I debated just throwing in the towel because my plans didn't work out, but then I decided it was too nice to not run.  And that I'd driven 30 minutes, I might as well run for at least that.  So we ran along the streets of Newport and I ended up doing 4 miles.  I actually felt pretty good and despite all the stops in the first mile, had ok splits the rest of the time.  Also, I remembered why I love my Garmin:

I worked a double in Friday and woke up feeling pretty crappy on Saturday morning.  I had to really push myself out the door, but am so glad I did.  B and I braved the 20-30mph winds and I ended up having a great run. I wanted to run by feel, so I didn't look at my Garmin once.  I also didn't take one walk break.  And my IT band didn't hurt.  At all.  WIN!  The wind was pretty brutal, and at some points it felt like I literally wasn't moving.  I had planned on doing 4 miles, but at mile 3 was feeling good so extended my route.  I picked up the pace for the last mile and only looked at my Garmin when I was nearing home, which was at 4.65 miles.  I sped up for the last .35 and am psyched that with all that wind I still ended up sub-10:00.

Barely sub-10:00, but I'll take it.

I read all these blogs where the girls are running 50 mile weeks and I get jealous, but for me, I had a great week.  I felt like a real runner on Saturday (and I haven't since Pete was born) and the run made me feel confident that I can run the 1/2 marathon in May.  I am a happy girl!  I wanted to run today, but it didn't happen.  So my plan is an early AM run with B tomorrow ... fingers crossed it's a good one.

Back on Track?

I managed two decent runs this week, and I'm quite happy about it.  On Wednesday, I ran ... in shorts ... in February.  Just 2.5 miles at a 10:37 pace with the stroller, but that's okay.  I didn't look at my watch once; I just ran what felt comfortable and enjoyed the run with zero ITB pain.  On Friday, I logged 3.0 miles on the treadmill at a 10:13 pace with a 1% incline.  I'm not trying to win any speed awards, and I read on AMR that when coming back from a break, it's better to focus on distance, not speed.  So at this point, just running is a win!  I have 13 weeks until my half marathon, which I think will be perfect.  I can't focus on being fast, and may not break 2:00 again, but that's ok. I'll just be proud of myself to run.

My Patriots lost yesterday.  I was bummed for a little bit, but in the scheme of things, it's so not a big deal.  I remember when they lost 4 years ago, I didn't talk to anyone for the rest of the night.  It was a big deal in my life at the time.  Then when your daughter dies, a little football game becomes just that ... little.  And really, who could be sad with this guy around?

Bad, Bad Blogger

OK, my number 1 resolution was an epic failure.  I've come to terms with it.  But I need to at least mention it.  After everything went to shit, I pretty much stopped exercising.  My ITB was sore and the little man refuses to sleep during the day.  Excuses?  Yes.  I am sure that if I was super dedicated, I could have gutted it out.  But after a 12 hour day with a non sleeping baby, the last thing I feel like doing is lacing up the shoes and getting on the treadmill.  I'm disappointed in myself, but it happened and I have to just move on from it.  I way underestimated how difficult it would be to get in a routine with an unpredictable baby.  So that's that.

On a positive note, I have been tracking everything with MyFitnessPal and I love it.  I've lost weight and am very happy with that (thank goodness for breastfeeding, it affords me many extra calories!)  My muffin top hasn't gone anywhere though and I know I need to kick up the cardio to see it go away.  Our vacation to St. Maarten is fast approaching so I'm hoping it's good motivation! I've also done well with meal planning.  I haven't really calculated out what I'm saving, but I know for a fact that I am because only being at the grocery store once cuts out all those frivolous purchases.  Budgeting has been going well too, for the most part.  Yesterday, I took out cash and can only spend that until next pay day (Friday - I get paid weekly).  So far, so good, but I realize that it's only Saturday!

Pete is officially a nine month old.  How it happened that fast is beyond me.  I love my little guy.

And yesterday at his well visit, the NP totally remembered Brienna without my mentioning her and it made me so happy.  I miss her ... really, really hoping for a run tomorrow. Fingers crossed!

The Best Laid Plans ...

I have been having trouble motivating myself to exercise.  I'm not sure why.  I know how much better it makes me feel, and yet there are days I just can't get out the door.  Then there are days when I do get out the door and things don't go as planned.  Today, I was all geared up and ready to go but as I strapped Pete into the stroller, he started screaming.  And wouldn't settle down.  So we went back inside so he could take a nap.  I'm not sure who was more disappointed - me, or Bailey.  Poor thing had her collar and leash on and was all excited.  Once I settled the man in for a nap, I lost all my motivation to run.  And then had fast food for lunch.  Talk about going in opposite directions.  BOO.

I guess I should have planned things a little better ... and days like today really make me wish our treadmill wasn't lost in the flood.   And that perhaps, we should ask Santa for a new one!  Sometimes it seems like the littlest things derail me.  I should have done something while Pete napped, and now I can't even remember what I did do.  I know that everyone has bad days, but sometimes when the bad days run together, I have a hard time remembering that this too shall pass.

Sorry for the whiny post.  I'm hoping tomorrow is a better day!

Not So Good

So last week's goals were not accomplished.  Like not even a little bit.  I shouldn't make excuses, but I'm going to anyway.  I ran on Tuesday 2.71 miles in 26:59 - my first sub-10:00 min/mile post Pete run!!!  But then I ended up working Tuesday night 11P-3A, which threw my whole Wednesday off.  I worked on 16+ hours on Thursday from 11A-3A, which threw my Friday off.  And then I worked 7A-7P both Saturday and Sunday.  So my weekend was shot.  I'm trying to figure out how I can get up before the 7AM shifts and run, but with feeding Pete and/or pumping, I'd have to get up at 4:45 and working 12 hours on my feet is long.  But I need to figure something out.

I ran 3 miles today, my fastest yet!  I was pretty happy.  I did it in 28:54, a 9:38 pace.  Pete is out of his car seat carrier in the stroller, so I think that has helped my pace considerably.  Though the last .2 miles I was struggling.  I might have gone a bit too fast for me right now, but it felt good for the most part.

I've decided that paying for Weight Watchers is stupid.  It's $17/month, which isn't a lot, but it's an unnecessary expense.  And I didn't really care for their new PointsPlus system.  So, I'll use myfitnesspal instead.  It's free and so easy.  I had used it when I was pregnant because they have a gain weight option, but it didn't last, haha.  So hopefully this time will be better.  I basically know what I need to do and it involves more exercise!  And not eating my body weight in peanut M&Ms :)

MOVEmber

It is time to start getting serious about losing this baby weight. The last few weeks months, I've pretty much given myself a free pass to eat whatever I want. Not good. I weighed myself today, and I weigh the exact same as a week after Pete was born. It's not even that bad of a number, but it's a significant amount higher than where I want to be! And I want my skinny jeans to look good. I can wear them, but they don't look very good.

Pete is six months old now, which means he is no longer exclusively breastfed. He started on solids last week, so it seems like a good time to start my Weight Watchers journey. I used WW before I got married in 2007 and it worked amazingly well. I lost about 20 pounds and was so proud of myself. After Brienna was born, Pat had to force me remind me to eat every day, so the pounds kind of melted off. I was also running more than I ever had before, and all that combined to get me to the skinniest I think I'd ever been. If I'm being totally honest, I was probably a bit too skinny. So for now, I'd like to lose 6-8 pounds. And more importantly, I want to exercise - regularly.

So my goal for this week is to stick to the WW plan and exercise at least three times. I also need to drink more water. Wish me luck!

Olympic Gold!

At least that's what it feels like anyway :)

I finished the marathon!! I am so happy. I didn't let Bri.enna down. I'm pretty sure she even called in some favors for us. I struggle with whether or not certain things happen by pure chance or if maybe she had something to do with it. It's weird, but lately I'm just choosing to believe that these certain things are little gifts from my angel.

The weather was supposed to be miserable on Sunday. But by Saturday night, the forecast looked okay. And it was. A little cold, but the sun shone for awhile and the snow/rain/wind didn't really start until I crossed the finish line. Weird. There was so much traffic getting to the race on Sunday morning. We were at our wits end and rolled down the window to ask a parking attendant if she had any advice. As we asked, her walkie-talkie buzzed and she told us there was ONE space available in the lot we happened to be in front of. The lot directly in front of the start/finish line. Crazy weird.

The race itself was hard. I felt slow the entire time, and never really felt like I hit my sweet spot. It was a two-loop course primarily geared to the half marathoners. After mile 13, I was basically running alone. At mile 14, I realized just how solitary running is. And how it's something that only YOU can do. It was a neat feeling. At mile 17, I knew I could finish because I had single digit miles to go. At mile 20, I felt Bri.enna with me. It sounds insane, but I did. I just sensed her with me and in my head, could picture her on my shoulder helping me along. Like we were buddies ... and I started crying (had to force myself to stop because I feared an asthma attack and this genius didn't have an inhaler) but I also picked up the pace. And the next three miles were a breeze. I felt good and in my head, knew I just needed to get to 23 because P was meeting me there to run the last three. Miles 23-25 were torture. I had to walk a few times and had some uh, stomach issues, but at mile 25 I was able to see the light and just put my head down and ran. And running up that hill, seeing my family cheering me on and crossing that finish line was awesome. And then I started crying. Again. And P met me and scooped me up in a hug and just held me and let me cry.

I still cannot believe I did it. I wish I had taken the time to savor it more ... I did this. Me alone and I am really proud of that. I am stronger than I ever gave myself credit for. So thanks, baby girl. I owe it to you :)

P.S. My time was 4:38:44.  About 10 minutes slower than my "goal" but who gives a rat's ass - I finished a marathon!

Nervous Nelly

I am so freaking nervous about this marathon! It's supposed to be rain/snow and 39 on Sunday. I mean, really?! When I left work this morning that was the exact weather outside and it was COLD. I am so afraid of letting Bri.enna down ... I doubt myself and my ability to finish the race and am so totally in my own head that it's bad.

UPDATE: I went shopping today and bought myself some rain gear. I'm feeling a bit better. I so want to finish this marathon. Gone (almost) are my lofty time goals. Crossing that finish line is enough for me. I just want to run a good race and do it for Bri.enna. I cannot let her down. There is so little I can do for her ... any chance I get to do something, anything for her makes me happy. I miss her :( So much it hurts. I sobbed and sobbed last night. P held me and then I felt better. This just never gets easy. My baby is gone. Did this really happen to me?! It couldn't have, I can't survive something like this! It's horrible, the worst thing that could ever happen. Something like that would ruin my marriage. Yet here I am. Stronger. With a better marriage than I could have hoped. About to run my first marathon ever, (hopefully) fulfilling a life long dream. Thank you Bri.enna. Because of you, this is all possible. I love you and miss you so much ...

Marathon Mama

I am set to run my first ever marathon next weekend. I can't wait and yet I'm petrified at the same time! Here's how it came to be:

One of the things I missed most while pregnant was running. I had a love/hate relationship with it prior to that point though ... it was something I enjoyed, but I always ended up injuring myself. I ran track in high school (the 100, not long distances!) and ran in college to stay in shape but ended up with ITBS. Despite having surgery to try and correct it, I constantly had problems with it and was sidelined any time I ran over 4 miles. Regardless, I missed it when I was pregnant and started up shortly after Bri.enna was born and my lady bits could tolerate it - they throbbed for about 3 months and to this day, throb when I have my period and after a long run ... the things they don't tell you about having a baby!

My sister and I decided to train for the Seacoast Half Marathon in Novemeber. I started increasing my mileage sloooowly and found that I was okay. I ordered a Patt Strap for my ITB and whether it was mental or not, it worked! I ran the race injury free and loved every minute of it. We ran in memory of Bri.enna - had t-shirts made, fans to cheer us on and everything. It was awesome. I knew the minute I finished that I wanted to run another one and maybe even a marathon.


I started pseudo-training for the Hyannis Marathon. I didn't fully commit, because I 100% anticipated being pregnant. (I thought I'd be pregnant by the half marathon, but more on that later). When I got my period yet again in December, I decided to just go for it, thinking that even if we got pregnant that month, I'd only be 7-8 weeks along. I'm still not pregnant, so it was a good decision to commit to this marathon.

Back to training ... I totally slacked off on the weekly runs, but faithfully did my long runs every week and surprised myself by being able to do them with relative ease. It's strangely addicting, despite the fact that most of them were on the freaking treadmill. Never again will I run 20 miles on one machine - ugh. But, I did it, even when it felt hard. And I found that I can run faster than I ever thought. I ran the half at a 9:46 pace, beating my goal of a 10:00 min/mile pace. I thought that was as fast as I could get, but started doing my short runs even faster ... just on Wednesday, I did 7 miles in 62:10 - an 8:53 pace!!

I'm hoping to run the marathon at about a 10:00 pace. My true goal is just to finish, but I'm wicked competitive with myself and really want to break 4:30 (about a 10:15 pace) ... my next marathon though, I want to train much smarter and run much faster. I truly owe it all to Bri.enna. I never thought I could run a marathon. It had always been a goal of mine, but never did I think I could actually do it. (And I haven't yet, but I'm hopeful!) Every time it felt hard, I reminded myself that I held Bri.enna for more time than I'll be running for. And I would give anything to have that time back, so I can certainly run for less time ... it motivates me every time :)

So, that's why I decided to run a marathon. And now I'm toying with the idea of running 1000 miles. I read the blog of another girl who set out to run 400 miles in 2009, and I decided I wanted to up it. And I couldn't stop thinking of that song, "I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more ..." and decided that I would RUN 500 miles and then RUN 500 more. To do it all in one year is going to be about 2o miles/week which is a stretch. So I'm thinking maybe 500 miles in 2010 and 500 miles in 2011. We'll see. But I really want to try. And I hope I don't let Bri.enna down!!

Let the Taper Begin!

I ran my longest training run this weekend. 20 miles. On the treadmill. And it was miserable. I wanted to quit so many times, but talked to Brienna a lot and convinced myself to stick it out. I was so proud of myself! I know it sounds stupid, but it was not a fun run and yet I did it. Before Brienna, I wouldn't have done that. I would have justified quitting and then been mad at myself. But I want Brienna to be proud of me. There are so few things that I can do for her, and if running a marathon is one of them, then I am determined to do it.

Now begins the taper portion of training.  And I can't wait!