Blahhhhh

I think I've become socially awkward. I so fear a surprise "we're pregnant!" from one of our friends that I just don't go out anymore. I know people might say that's no way to live, but I can't help it. P and I were thinking of seeing if friends of ours wanted to grab dinner tonight. And it was my idea until I thought "what if they're pregnant?" and then I would need to leave immediately and it just would not be good. I don't want to live this way ... but it's safer than being taken by surprise and not having my game face on.

I so wish I was pregnant. I need to run 10 miles this weekend and laid in bed all morning thinking "if I was pregnant, I'd have an excuse not to run" ... now, I'm just lazy and wishing I could do nothing all day. Can I blame Clomid? It seems reasonable, right? I also wonder if I'm depressed and debating calling Dr. M again ... she's awesome, and I don't want to need medicine, but if it means not living like this perhaps it's for the best. I think at this point, I'd do it more for P than for myself. It must suck for him to have a miserable wife. Poor guy.