It's been over a year since my baby died. That is a tough pill to swallow. I worry that because it's been that long, people will think I should be "better" or "moving on". To them I say, screw you. It doesn't hurt any less that Brienna isn't here ... I miss her with every fiber of my being. I think about her first thing in the morning, all throughout the day and as I attempt to fall asleep at night. Her not being here SUCKS. There is no way to sugar coat it ...
After our long struggle to get pregnant, we decided to see an RE. It had been a year, and we really want more kids. So, we went to the RE and guess what - pregnant. Ironic right? But as appears to be the case with us, things did not go as planned. Beta's didn't double right away, but then did and to make a long story short, I'm having a miscarriage. At 8 weeks 2 days, our little baby had no more heartbeat :( We are so sad. I'm now at 10 weeks and waiting for the miscarriage to happen. It's a strange time. I finally started seeing some spotting last night, so I think my body is doing what it's supposed to do, but it has not been a fun couple of weeks. The loss of this baby exacerbates Bri.enna not being here. I would like to avoid misoprostol or a D&C, so am praying my body works. We deserve at least that right?
On the house front (oh yeah, did I mention my house flooded back in March? A 500-year flood happened and our entire basement and 26" of our first floor were filled with nasty, brown water). Good times. We're hoping to be back there in 6-8 weeks though, which will be so nice. I miss it. I miss my safe spot, my comfort zone. We saved all of BMM's things, so that was really all that mattered to me. But we lost a lot of stuff. Insurance pays for some of it, so we're lucky. At this point, we just want to go home.
So that's my life in a nutshell. Lucky me, huh?
No comments:
Post a Comment