Hope

I just read a book called After You by Julie Buxbaum ... it was excellent and a part of it really stuck with me. I had a conversation with a friend about hope the other day. How it's a double-edged sword. Hope is the only thing that got me through Brienna's pregnancy ... without, I would have been even more of a mess than I was! Yet is also can be devastating ...

The quote in the book that resonated with me is, "Wanting may be the worst feeling of all, next to hope. But hope is the worst. Hope is the moment before peeing on the negative stick. Hope is the moment before they tell you they can't find a heartbeat. Hope is a setup, a bait and switch, an illusion."

If I could add to that, I would say hope is the moment before they tell you your daughter isn't breathing, that she has no heartbeat. Hope is being convinced she'll be born alive, only to have her be born still. Hope is getting pregnant again, thinking you paid your dues already only to have a miscarriage.

Hope really is a double-edged sword ... it gets you through life, but it can break your heart too.