Time ...

It is getting harder and harder for me to wrap my head around the fact that in one week (or less), I will be giving birth. We had our last prenatal appointment today and if Toot doesn't arrive this week, we'll be induced Tuesday, June 2. We go in Monday night at 7PM, where they'll try and ripen my cervix with Cervidil ... if it works enough, we'll go to labor and delivery at some point Tuesday. WHOA. I still so want Toot to come on her own, but I am only 1 cm dialted and not really having any contractions. I thought maybe this weekend I was, but nothing consistent and nothing painful enough to stop me in my tracks, which everyone tells me will happen. The doctor tried to strip my membranes (gross, I know) but I wasn't dilated enough so she didn't get very far ... I'm hoping that maybe it will still be enough to get things going ...

While on the one hand I want Toot to come before June 2, it is so strange to think that our time with this precious little being is so limited ... I feel selfish because I've already been given so much more than I deserve ... but the problem with time is that the more I have with her, the more I want. I want to hear her cry, I want to hear her heartbeat on the outside of my belly, I want to see her chest rise and fall with every breath she takes. I want to look into her eyes, I want to feed her, change her poopy diaper and dress her in the adorable clothes she has waiting upstairs for her ... I want to love her and cuddle her and touch her chubby little cheeks and bare bottom ... I want to be utterly exhausted and sleep deprived from 2AM feedings ... I want to be a harried, disheveled first time mom trying to get it together and it doesn't feel like that is much to ask, but with T18, it very well might be ...