Not so blah!

Sorry for the depressing post on Monday ... I am feeling much better today, thank goodness. I think working nights really takes a toll on me that I don't quite appreciate until I'm down in the dumps and supremely emotional. I just don't sleep well and that has to be a huge contributing factor to the sadness ... but, nights are done for now ... poor P asked that I try not to work anymore for awhile because he hates seeing me like that. I'm back to days next week and definitely looking forward to it!

Today was supposed to be our 4D ultrasound with Miss Toot, but unfortunately, the portable machine wasn't shipped, so we're going to have to wait just a bit longer! Hopefully it will happen this weekend or early next week ... I am bummed it won't happen today, but know how lucky we are that it will happen at all ... and I am so looking forward to seeing sweet Toot's face!! I am still baffled that she has hair and I can't wait to look at it and look at her and see her dance ... it makes me smile just thinking about it!!

One of the things on Monday that I was so upset about was the fact that I needed to call a funeral home and figure out some stuff. I finally called, and I have to say, I feel such a sense of peace after calling, which I totally didn't expect. (By the way, every time I write/think about her funeral, she kicks me like crazy. I hope beyond on hope it's her way of saying, I'm not going anywhere just yet!) Anyway, a family friend had recommended a funeral home in my hometown because she has had good experiences with them. My hometown is very small, and I actually knew of Brian because he belonged to the pool I lifeguarded at 10 years ago. I am sure he doesn't remember me, but it was one more small coincidence that encouraged me to call. I called and he actually answered the phone (not the receptionist that usually does) and was amazing. He answered all my questions with such patience and kindness and also gave me some advice that I hadn't considered. He also told me that he and his wife lost a baby a long time ago and that they fully understand the emotional burden we're dealing with and therefore don't charge anything. Nothing. All of their services are provided free of charge. I was blown away. Funerals are so expensive. We will still have to pay cemetary or cremation fees, but they cover the cost of the caskett and everything else on their end. He told me to just call him when the time comes, and they will take care of everything and make it as easy on us as possible, no matter which option we choose. I hung up the phone feeling so much better than I anticipated. Of course I cried the entire time I was on the phone with him, but the fact that I know with all my heart that Toot's going to be in good hands the entire time she is on this earth is such a comfort. Letting her go when the time comes is going to be nearly impossible, but at least we know that she is going to be with someone who truly cares ... and understands. I know that she is going to be cared for with love, kindness and compassion and it makes me feel just a little less apprehensive about the whole thing ...