Due Date #2

May 28 ... our second due date. I am somewhat baffled that we are here. I thought ten days was an eternity but it flew by. Time is both moving much too quickly and standing still. It is hard. Harder than I thought it would be. I want Toot to come on her own terms, which would mean this weekend. Yet at the same time, I wish I could stop the clock and just keep her inside me forever. It is comforting to me that she is cozy enough to want to stay. It makes me tear up just thinking about her having to leave her little cocoon ... she is alive and safe now! Leaving puts her in too much jeopardy and I just want to keep her safe. Isn't that all any mother wants? I want her with me forever and I know that is not possible, but it's breaking my heart to think of what may come to be in a few days ... I'm trying so hard to stay positive, and am actually having an okay day, but I am just not ready for this. I love my little girl so much, it physically hurts. I wish I could put into words how much I love her and how much I don't want to ever say goodbye. But I can't. So rather than dwell on what I cannot control, I have to think positive. I have to hope with every fiber of my being that she comes out alive. I have to pray that we get a little extra time with her. And I have to remember that no matter what, I've had the most amazing forty weeks of my life. I didn't know it at the time, but this little girl is the most wonderful gift I've ever been given ...