Not so Fertile-Myrtle

So, as I mentioned in a previous post, I fully anticipated being pregnant by now. And we're not. Still. I am starting to get very frustrated. I know, it's not technically trouble until you've been trying for a year. But 50% of couples having unprotected sex get pregnant within 6 months. Hasn't happened with us. We started trying almost immediately. We joked that we'd have Irish twins. It seemed perfect. The first few months, I was actually relieved to get my period. There is no way in hell we would have been ready to have another baby. I needed that time to focus solely on Bri.enna. And that I did. So it was good. Fast forward a few months, we're still not pregnant. I tried to time it using those ovulation kits from CVS, no such luck. They said I didn't ovulate. My period was late. Several times. I would get my hopes up (all the while trying not to get my hopes up) and that whore AF* would show up anyway. It's hard not to be frustrated. Especially when I know 13 people that are pregnant right now. And of course it feels like they're all having girls. I am happy for them, but it makes me sick to my stomach with jealousy too. Hearing about their baby showers and what the nursery is going to look like makes me want to punch a wall. Am I a bad person? Maybe. But I can't help it. Our baby was taken away from us and I want another one. NOW.

I finally broke down and called my doctor this month. He completely understood my frustration and because of my irregular periods, suggested we try Clomid. So I did. And I chart my temperature every freaking morning and we have sex when we're supposed to. And guess what, I don't think I'm pregnant. I can feel that I'm getting my period. And that makes me mad, sad and frustrated. I admire the people that have struggled with infertility for years. I don't know how they do it. It's been 7 months for us and I'm freaking out. I am one more period away from screaming. I want to bring a baby home from the hospital. P and I are so ready ... and it breaks my heart because I think he might be even more disappointed than I am every month. He stays positive, but he's sad too. We just assumed it would work as quickly as it did with Bri.enna. And it hasn't. And it's a lesson in patience that I am having a really hard time with!

*So not clever enough to think of calling AF a whore. Stole it from another blog.