Intro

I've been blogging on/off for the last two years or so. I loved my last blog - it even had some followers! - but kinda just stopped writing. A few people from my real life knew about it, and I was feeling too exposed, and therefore too vulnerable to keep writing. So I just stopped. And wrote things when I wanted to, but never posted them. I'm thinking maybe I'll start posting them here. I want an outlet. I want to remember all my crazy thoughts about this time in my life. So apparently, this is it ... here is my story:

My husband and I got married in October 2007 and found out we were pregnant in September 2008. We were overjoyed. So excited to be parents, already in love with our little baby to be. December 2008 we find out our baby is possibly sick. We have an amnio, and find out she is. With Trisomy 18 - a diagnosis considered to be incompatible with life. We're devastated, heartbroken and at a loss. We make the only decision we could, and carry on, hopeful that we'll have some time with her when she's born. At 40 weeks and 5 days pregnant, I'm induced with good ol' Pitocin. Bri.enna is born at 8:50 PM. They tell me she has no heartbeat and my world collapses.

P and I spend the most heartwarming and heartbroken five hours of our life holding her, loving her and trying to fit in a lifetime's worth of everything into no time at all. We were blessed to have a photographer from Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep capture those precious moments with her. 

Fast forward eight and a half months, and here I am. Struggling to be normal when I feel anything but. Living in a world that my precious daughter will never know. Wishing I was a time traveler so I could go back to June 2 and hold my baby. Trying desperately to conceive again and getting increasingly frustrated that it's not working!! 

Here's to my next adventure in blogging ...