NICU Tour and Birth Plan

It feels like it's been a pretty eventful few weeks ... last Friday, we met with a neonatologist (we loved her) toured the labor and delivery suites, postpartum floors and the NICU at the hospital where Miss Toot will make her entrance into the world! I had never set foot in this hospital, and was happy that our MFM group suggested doing this. I am such a visual person, and I kept visualizing the only place I've ever seen a baby born - where I did my OB clinical in nursing school. Seeing where we will actually deliver makes me feel better ... it makes me feel like I have some sense of control - even though I know I really don't - and just gives me a small sense of comfort that I won't be in a totally unfamiliar place.

Talking with the neonatologist was incredibly helpful. We had a pretty good idea of what we thought things would be like when Toot was born, and she helped reaffirm that our thoughts were correct. She also helped us make some decisions about oxygen, etc. should Toot be born alive. I had been totally in favor of blow by O2 for Toot should she need it, but found out that if she were on oxygen, she would need to go to the NICU after delivery. Unless she is truly thriving, we've decided that we really don't want that. We want Toot with us, whether we're still in the labor and delivery room or if we're up in our postpartum room. Toot can get oxygen in the delivery room to help pink her up if she needs it, but the main goal for us is to be with her. I am so glad I know that now. The neonatologist said that even if we have no plans for Toot to go to the NICU, she can still be at the birth as a support for us. That just meant so much to me ... they are the ones who can best tell us if Toot is thriving or not, and just knowing that they'll be there if we want them to be is comforting.

We had another appointment with our MFM doctor on Tuesday (we'll see her weekly from now on) and she is growing on me! We went over our birth plan with her, and she seemed to think that everything we wanted was very reasonable and she was totally on board. I loved that. I also asked her about having another ultrasound and when I explained why, she told me that seemed "fair" and would work on setting one up for us. It's Saturday now and I haven't heard anything, but at least I know I'll see her again on Tuesday and can bug her about it then! We also talked with a social worker about our birth plan, and I just felt like they were really taking it seriously and would do everything we asked. I of course will still have nine copies with me when the time comes, but it's nice that at least it is familiar to staff that we'll be dealing with! We had some concerns about being moved immediately to a postpartum floor, and I asked if there was anywhere else in the hospital we could go. Our MD told us that we can go to a GYN surgical floor, rather than a typical postpartum floor and that made me so happy. I was nervous to be surrounded by other happy moms/babies and now don't need to worry about that. I also was concerned about our parents and sisters waiting in a waiting room with other happy, expectant families and I found out that there is another waiting area, as well as a separate meditation room where they can wait. This is going to be hard enough as it is, let alone being surrounded by happy families ...

We also talked with the social worker about funeral homes in the area ... it's so not a conversation I enjoy having, but one that is unfortunately necessary ... a few posts ago, I mentioned that the Catholic Church does not agree with cremation. I am happy to report that that information is not accurate! We still aren't sure which option we'll choose, but know that whatever we choose, Toot can have the funeral that she deserves. And that gives me a sense of peace. The cremation/burial debate is however still raging in my head. I just don't know what is right for us ... my parents offered to buy a plot in MA for us for Toot (which is where we would bury her if we choose that option) and it's just so generous of them and made me cry because they would do anything and everything they could for us ... I still think I might want Toot with us, but don't know how to choose. I talk to a social worker that I've known for almost 10 years, and she said I need to stop thinking of everything as right/wrong and black/white and just do what feels right for us now. And not to worry about months or years from now. And she is right, I just am so afraid of choosing the wrong thing ...