Things I am Thankful For

Awhile back, Suz from Steece's Pieces wrote a post about the ability to give thanks in any situation ... I decided it would be a good thing for me to try, so here goes:

I am beyond thankful for my parents and my in-laws. Saturday, P and I were unsure with what to do with ourselves to stay busy. We started watching some 24 (notice a trend?) in the later part of the morning and into the afternoon. I talked to my parents, who said they would be happy to meet us for dinner or come to see us so we didn't have make the drive. My mom suggested we call P's parents too. We did, and everyone came to us for an impromptu dinner Saturday night. It was exactly what we needed. I am so lucky that our parents get along so well and that they truly enjoy each other's company. We ended up having a really nice night, and for that, I am grateful.

I am thankful for my mom. She has truly been an amazing support for me, and I cannot imagine getting through this without her. I can only imagine how much she is hurting for her own baby (me), yet she has been so strong and so there for me that words cannot describe how much I love and appreciate her.

I am thankful for my dad. He gets together with his friends for every Pats game, but knew that P and I were looking to be distracted so he told his friends he couldn't make it and had us over the house to watch the game. He got all our favorite snacks, made a delicious dinner for us and it was just a nice family day. I appreciate it more than he knows ...

I am thankful for my sister. She was supposed to head back to NYC on Sunday morning, but stuck around on Sunday to watch the Pats game with us and planned on leaving early early Monday morning to get back in time for work. Without me knowing, she emailed her boss and asked for Monday off so she could spend the day with me. So she came down after our appt. with the genetic counselor (more on that later) and hung out with me. I think she sensed my fear of being alone, and decided to stay last night too so that we could hang out today. We cooked dinner, watched TV with P and Miss B and she stuck around today so I could have company while P was at work. I needed that more than she could ever know, and it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about how lucky I am that she is my sister and that we are so close.

I am thankful that we were able to get pregnant in the first place ... so many couples struggle with infertility, and we were blessed with conceiving quite quickly. I know someday I'll look back on this pregnancy with fond memories of my first baby ... it hurts so much now, but I cherish the fact that God gave me this chance in the first place ... I just hope I can do right by my baby.

Lastly, but certainly not least, I am so thankful for my husband. He is a pillar of strength and I literally cannot imagine going through this, or anything in life, without him. When I got the news about Toot, I was watching the movie P.S. I Love You. All I could think during the movie was thank God I had P and that losing him would be even more unbearable than this. So, if this is supposed to teach me anything, I think it's taught me that my marriage is stronger than I could have imagined and that my love for my husband is truer than I had known. He has been there for me in every way possible, and it breaks my heart because I doubt I've been there for him as he has for me.

So, despite the sadness, I know I'm lucky to have great family and friends ...
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As I mentioned earlier, we met with a genetic counselor yesterday. She was very nice, but actually didn't tell us all that much. She seemed surprised that we knew as much as we did about T18 and really didn't offer much we didn't already know. She did say that as long as our full karyotype does not come back showing translocation T18, we should have no worries about future children being affected by T18 or by Smith Lemli Opitz syndrome. She showed us the AFP results and basically said that the screening test looks at the same enzyme or whatever to predict risk. I did find out in looking at the results that our risk for T18 was greater than 1:5, not 1:40 like I had previously thought. That stung a little and probably would have made me less optimistic had I known, so maybe it's best that I didn't ... My OB/GYN's office is near my parent's house where I grew up, which would mean that I'd deliver at a small community hospital. This counselor was near us and was great in that she said she'd set us up with someone closer to home, if our OB chooses to transfer us (which sounds likely). The hospital we'll most likely deliver at now has a NICU and special care nursery (not that we'll need it, P and I want comfort care only; nothing we do will fix our little baby) and we'll be able to meet with the nurses and neonatologists ahead of time and hopefully have some familiar faces when we do in fact deliver. We should get the results of the full karyotype on Friday, which I have mixed feelings about. That makes it officially real (not that it isn't already, but I can still hold on to the tiniest shred of hope that this was all a mistake, HA) but at least then we'll know if it is in fact full T18 (95% chance it is) and I guess it will help guide our decision making/thoughts/feelings etc. I am truly emotionally drained ...