THANKSGIVING

Today, I am thankful for many things.  I am happier than I have been in years.  Maybe ever.  I feel content and while it scares the crap out of me, I'm trying to just go with it:

I am thankful for Brienna.  I used to be a very insecure and self-conscious person.  I compared myself to everyone and always found fault ... with myself.  It was something I struggled with and worked on for years.  When we found out that our baby was sick, so many people told us how brave and how strong we were.  And all I could think was, "we don't have an effing choice!!!" How does that make us strong?"  And I didn't feel strong.  I felt like I could lose it at any moment and sometimes, I did.  But you know what, I am strong.  I read a quote on another blog: you never know how STRONG you are until STRONG is your only option.  I am stronger than I ever gave myself credit for.  Brienna made me strong.  That's not to say that I don't occasionally struggle with insecurities, but not like I used to.  I know what I'm made of now.  And I like me.  I am comfortable in my own skin.  And if I feel insecure, I remind myself that I've walked some pretty rough terrain and am better for it.  I will forever be grateful to her for that gift.

I am thankful for my sister.  Despite the fact that for the better part of two years, I was locked in my own little world of hurt and took very little interest in anyone (or anything) else, she didn't give up on me.  I love her for that.  We're closer than ever now and it feels really good.

I am thankful for P.  We celebrated our four year anniversary last month.  We have dealt with a lot in our four years and yet we're a stronger couple because of it.  He is the love of my life.

I am thankful for running.  It really does help keep me sane.  It also is a confidence booster.  P, Pete, Bailey and I ran our own Turkey Trot this morning (I couldn't find one in our area that was jogger and pet friendly!) and it was the perfect way to start my day.

Lastly, I am thankful for Pete.  He is the light of my life and I love everything about him.  I am sure every new parent feels this way, but I stare at him with wonder and amazement and am beyond proud of him.  He has made me happier than I ever thought I could be and I can't thank him enough for it.  He is such a lovable, fun little boy and I truly cannot believe he's mine :)

Happy Thanksgiving!