THANKSGIVING

Today, I am thankful for many things.  I am happier than I have been in years.  Maybe ever.  I feel content and while it scares the crap out of me, I'm trying to just go with it:

I am thankful for Brienna.  I used to be a very insecure and self-conscious person.  I compared myself to everyone and always found fault ... with myself.  It was something I struggled with and worked on for years.  When we found out that our baby was sick, so many people told us how brave and how strong we were.  And all I could think was, "we don't have an effing choice!!!" How does that make us strong?"  And I didn't feel strong.  I felt like I could lose it at any moment and sometimes, I did.  But you know what, I am strong.  I read a quote on another blog: you never know how STRONG you are until STRONG is your only option.  I am stronger than I ever gave myself credit for.  Brienna made me strong.  That's not to say that I don't occasionally struggle with insecurities, but not like I used to.  I know what I'm made of now.  And I like me.  I am comfortable in my own skin.  And if I feel insecure, I remind myself that I've walked some pretty rough terrain and am better for it.  I will forever be grateful to her for that gift.

I am thankful for my sister.  Despite the fact that for the better part of two years, I was locked in my own little world of hurt and took very little interest in anyone (or anything) else, she didn't give up on me.  I love her for that.  We're closer than ever now and it feels really good.

I am thankful for P.  We celebrated our four year anniversary last month.  We have dealt with a lot in our four years and yet we're a stronger couple because of it.  He is the love of my life.

I am thankful for running.  It really does help keep me sane.  It also is a confidence booster.  P, Pete, Bailey and I ran our own Turkey Trot this morning (I couldn't find one in our area that was jogger and pet friendly!) and it was the perfect way to start my day.

Lastly, I am thankful for Pete.  He is the light of my life and I love everything about him.  I am sure every new parent feels this way, but I stare at him with wonder and amazement and am beyond proud of him.  He has made me happier than I ever thought I could be and I can't thank him enough for it.  He is such a lovable, fun little boy and I truly cannot believe he's mine :)

Happy Thanksgiving!

The Best Laid Plans ...

I have been having trouble motivating myself to exercise.  I'm not sure why.  I know how much better it makes me feel, and yet there are days I just can't get out the door.  Then there are days when I do get out the door and things don't go as planned.  Today, I was all geared up and ready to go but as I strapped Pete into the stroller, he started screaming.  And wouldn't settle down.  So we went back inside so he could take a nap.  I'm not sure who was more disappointed - me, or Bailey.  Poor thing had her collar and leash on and was all excited.  Once I settled the man in for a nap, I lost all my motivation to run.  And then had fast food for lunch.  Talk about going in opposite directions.  BOO.

I guess I should have planned things a little better ... and days like today really make me wish our treadmill wasn't lost in the flood.   And that perhaps, we should ask Santa for a new one!  Sometimes it seems like the littlest things derail me.  I should have done something while Pete napped, and now I can't even remember what I did do.  I know that everyone has bad days, but sometimes when the bad days run together, I have a hard time remembering that this too shall pass.

Sorry for the whiny post.  I'm hoping tomorrow is a better day!

Where Did My Baby Go?

Pete seems to have changed overnight.  I picked him up this morning and he felt huge.  Like he literally gained weight between the time he went to sleep last night and woke up today.  How does time move so quickly??  I am already nostalgic for the days when he would just curl up and fall asleep on me.  Now, he's so interested in everything around him that he hates to be still.  He was exhausted tonight and fell asleep in my arms while nursing.  He sighed his contented baby sighs and laid in my arms and I just held him and rocked him and tried to savor the moment.  It was the best part of my day. 

Not So Good

So last week's goals were not accomplished.  Like not even a little bit.  I shouldn't make excuses, but I'm going to anyway.  I ran on Tuesday 2.71 miles in 26:59 - my first sub-10:00 min/mile post Pete run!!!  But then I ended up working Tuesday night 11P-3A, which threw my whole Wednesday off.  I worked on 16+ hours on Thursday from 11A-3A, which threw my Friday off.  And then I worked 7A-7P both Saturday and Sunday.  So my weekend was shot.  I'm trying to figure out how I can get up before the 7AM shifts and run, but with feeding Pete and/or pumping, I'd have to get up at 4:45 and working 12 hours on my feet is long.  But I need to figure something out.

I ran 3 miles today, my fastest yet!  I was pretty happy.  I did it in 28:54, a 9:38 pace.  Pete is out of his car seat carrier in the stroller, so I think that has helped my pace considerably.  Though the last .2 miles I was struggling.  I might have gone a bit too fast for me right now, but it felt good for the most part.

I've decided that paying for Weight Watchers is stupid.  It's $17/month, which isn't a lot, but it's an unnecessary expense.  And I didn't really care for their new PointsPlus system.  So, I'll use myfitnesspal instead.  It's free and so easy.  I had used it when I was pregnant because they have a gain weight option, but it didn't last, haha.  So hopefully this time will be better.  I basically know what I need to do and it involves more exercise!  And not eating my body weight in peanut M&Ms :)

MOVEmber

It is time to start getting serious about losing this baby weight. The last few weeks months, I've pretty much given myself a free pass to eat whatever I want. Not good. I weighed myself today, and I weigh the exact same as a week after Pete was born. It's not even that bad of a number, but it's a significant amount higher than where I want to be! And I want my skinny jeans to look good. I can wear them, but they don't look very good.

Pete is six months old now, which means he is no longer exclusively breastfed. He started on solids last week, so it seems like a good time to start my Weight Watchers journey. I used WW before I got married in 2007 and it worked amazingly well. I lost about 20 pounds and was so proud of myself. After Brienna was born, Pat had to force me remind me to eat every day, so the pounds kind of melted off. I was also running more than I ever had before, and all that combined to get me to the skinniest I think I'd ever been. If I'm being totally honest, I was probably a bit too skinny. So for now, I'd like to lose 6-8 pounds. And more importantly, I want to exercise - regularly.

So my goal for this week is to stick to the WW plan and exercise at least three times. I also need to drink more water. Wish me luck!